McShep Alphabet Drabbles
by astheblackrosewilts
Summary: 26 different drabbles either centred around Rodney, John or McShep slash or friendship.


AN – A while ago I wrote alphabet drabbles one for each character. This time I've done the same thing except all of the drabbles are centred around either John, Rodney or McShep, friendship or otherwise 

**Warnings** – Slash, character death in some, AU in some drabbles. Some angst, some humour, some romance, some gen… you get the picture

**Rating** – PG-13

**Summary** – 26 different drabbles either centred around Rodney, John or McShep slash or friendship.

**McShep Alphabet Drabbles **

**Adulation**

John knows he'd argued but as far as he was concerned Rodney was Superman, his Superman.

Having such high expectations was extremely unfair and he knows this but he still can't help the way he feels.

So he spins him something about lost trust and pretends he doesn't see the look on Rodney's face because he hurts too and if Rodney stays John will say something unfixable that he'll seriously regret.

But now he knows how Lois Lane felt when Superman made a mistake and he wonders, what do you do when the only thing you've ever relied upon fails?

**Black**

All through it he can hear a voice, anchoring him.

A hand clutching his, begging him not to leave.

So he opens his eyes.

More voices come now, voices he recognises.

A woman's, friendly but businesslike.

A man's, deep and rumbling.

Another woman's, soft and soothing.

Another man's, with a peculiar tint he thinks he should recognise.

And the voice that told him not to let go, to hold on.

But they don't stay, he knows they can't stay.

And though he tries to hold on he's always left alone in the end and, in the never-ending darkness, Rodney cries.

**Coward**

They think I'm a hero.

Brave and selfless, giving my life for the expedition. Dying so they might live and everything.

I'm certain though that at least one person down there thinks I'm a coward and I am. Just not for the reasons he thinks.

I'm a coward because, in a year of staring into blue eyes and at that crooked smile, I never managed to say 'I love you'.

I should have told him before I left, 'so long Rodney' just wasn't enough.

But it was a risk and at least now I won't die with him hating me.

**Destruction**

Rodney had always known what his work might be used for.

Einstein and Oppenheimer had spent years developing bombs and then years begging people not to use them.

Rodney had always rolled his eyes. They knew what the things they were building could do. Did they honestly expect people to ignore the destruction opportunities?

Now though, he understands. If he'd known John was going to use one of his bombs to try and blow up a hiveship he wouldn't have built it either.

But, like Einstein and Oppenheimer, he's also aware that if he hadn't build it someone else would've.

**Eyes**

No one knows.

Or no one knew anyway. Rodney has the feeling that anyone looking at him will know everything.

Every secret kiss, every stolen night, every whispered word.

But they don't know officially and they can't.

Which means he can't move.

He can't even hold him.

They knew it couldn't last forever but this…

He closes his eyes but the images won't go away and he can't even dream anymore.

And he feels the hopelessness as he remembers John's words, 'when you don't know what to do just look into my eyes'.

He can't now, John's eyes are closed.

**Fate**

The day it happens John and Rodney are watching the gate at the Alpha site. There's no one for about half a mile, it's got to be fate.

"Greetings," one of the men who exited the Stargate waves at them, a pleasant expression on his face. "We come in peace and wish to trade with your people."

Looking at Rodney's face John knows he doesn't have a choice.

"Greetings," he replies. "We would be happy to trade.

"However," Rodney continues, a beam on his face. "In the custom of _our_ people, there is a small ritual to be satisfied first…"

**Graffiti**

Having worked on Atlantis for so long John Sheppard really should know that when scientists finish a job they party.

And, being scientists, they _really_ party.

With hindsight's view leaving McKay and his team unsupervised on an allied alien world wasn't particularly clever.

When Rodney wakes up John's staring at him, arms folded.

He blinks, surely John isn't normally that tall. Then he realises he's lying on the floor.

Then Radek hands him a mirror… Rodney blinks and faints.

John grins, why Rodney thought it would be a good idea to get '88mph' tattooed on his forehead he'll never know.

**Helpless**

There's darkness all around him. Even looking up from where they'd come from it's black.

He shivers, he doesn't want to think about how far they fell.

Can't even begin to imagine how they survived.

John's lying next to him, sticky with blood. Unmoving other than the shallow, gurgling breaths coming far too infrequently.

And he forces himself to think.

But they can't go forwards.

Can't go back.

There's walls on every side and he can't even see where they fell.

But as long as he's thinking about that he's delaying accepting that this time he really can't save him.

**Invisible**

Rodney had never been good at pretending he was invisible. At school he'd always been unable to keep his mouth shut, even when he was being shoved into lockers.

He'd wished he was good at it sometimes, not often.

Especially not on Atlantis.

He wishes it now though. Because he can't cope with the accusing looks of those who know what he did and blame him for Collins.

Because he needs to get away and if he can't become invisible then he's going to have to hide.

But he's just stopped hiding at danger, he doesn't want to start again.

**Juncture**

Just a few more seconds.

If he says it one more time he might even convince himself.

He can't let them die.

But even at his best he can't save them, he knows this isn't going to work.

People are dying before his eyes and no one knows.

They'll be left in this watery grave and they'll be heroes and no one will ever know.

They deserve better than this.

And all he needs is a few more seconds.

But he's too late and even as the water closes over his head he imagines he can still hear them screaming.

**Kill**

John's seen people die before.

Seen the colour run out of their faces as the blood ran down legs, arms and chests to pool on the ground.

He's seen the blood mix with the earth to turn it into mud, the same colour as a desiccated corpse.

But he's never seen anything quite like this.

Because Rodney's face is pale but that's nothing really, it's his eyes that have John filled with terror.

Because those bright blue eyes that have always shone with intelligence and the thrill of discovery have turned a milky white.

The life bled out of them.

**Listen**

The first rule in the handbook is to always have a safe word. John understands the reason and has always followed it.

But with Rodney it's different.

Because Rodney never says anything unless he's serious, he may exaggerate and bluster but he never lies.

And even though John laughs, acting like he doesn't care before disregarding the scientist entirely, he always listens. Always.

Rodney knows this and, above all else, he trusts him.

And that's why Rodney's safe word isn't something ridiculous that will pull them both up short.

Rodney's safe word is 'stop', and that works just as well.

**Misdirection**

Rodney has always complained about being injured, whether he is or isn't.

In fact, the less injured he is the more he complains. His team had found out very quickly that they only have to worry when he's quiet.

Before it had been a way of getting attention but now it serves a different purpose.

Now his staff are so used to it that if one of them happens to notice that he can't sit down comfortably and that John's been hanging round looking extremely smug they don't say anything.

Because if Rodney was in pain _everyone_ knows he'd complain.

**Numb**

Rodney had never been a particularly stoic child.

In fact, he'd been more likely to be the child who sobbed at every drop of blood, no matter how miniscule.

No matter how serious the injury Rodney had made the same amount of noise.

If it got him a few extra seconds of attention from his mother every deliberately skinned knee was worth it.

He makes a lot of noise on Atlantis too.

How can he tell them that the pain of too many pointless deaths took their toll too long ago and now he's lucky if he even feels numb.

**Opinion**

Rodney doesn't know what he's done to give them the impression that he's suicidal.

Granted, he's withdrawn from their society. He's eating less and eating alone when he does. He's stopped talking to people, stopped working with people but at least now he's working harder.

He doesn't know why they have such a high opinion of themselves, they're not that important to him. He's been shunned before, been ignored before, been dismissed before.

And every time he thought he'd learned his lesson.

But here, left alone and friendless, just like they wanted, he finds himself wondering 'when you gonna learn'?

**Prohibited**

"Why do we have to fly commercial?" Rodney McKay grumbled as he sank back into the plastic chair in the departure lounge. John rolled his eyes.

Suddenly there was a man with several security guards standing behind them, smiling tightly. "May we have a words, sirs?"

An hour later John stormed out of an out-of-the-way corridor.

Rodney ran after him. "Oh come on John, at least I got us out of it."

"You got us into it too!"

"Well how else was I supposed to continue my research?"

John spun. "I cannot believe you McKay! Who the hell packs plutonium?"

**Quiet**

Sometimes John doubts it ever happened. When he sees Rodney hunched over another Ancient gadget or downing coffee, a cup a minute.

The he hears the crushing silence, and he knows…

Rodney doesn't think he even knows how to talk anymore.

They drilled and conditioned until it was buried even deeper than his natural instincts to make himself heard.

They almost hadn't found him when they'd come looking.

But here it's safe and he thinks it might be allowed…

But how can he ask if he can't speak?

'Am I allowed to scream if I don't know what to say?'

**Rules**

John has rules for life.

The first rule comes from his father, never leave a man behind. That had seen him through multiple commendations and the black mark that had almost ended his career.

The second was to always plan for the worst. That way you'd be prepared for it and surprised at the good.

Sometimes though John thinks that Rodney might have embraced this a little too enthusiastically.

And then there was the third, always smile. That had served him through rules one and two. No matter what was happening keep smiling.

Just don't let them see your eyes.

**Solace**

At the end of the service he breathes a sigh of relief and hates himself for it.

Relief is the last thing he should be feeling.

He should be feeling grief, anger, loss, love…

But it's finally over and all he knows is numbness and relief.

John, after all, is happy where he is, finally at peace.

His worst nightmare came true and the world didn't end. What's left to be afraid of?

And though he knows he'll think about him everyday for the rest of his life Atlantis even gives him a reason to get up in the morning.

**Tomorrow**

John Sheppard faces most things head on.

When he puts something off though he really puts it off.

Like apologising to Rodney.

Apologising for what he said after Arcturus. For saying it again on the Aurora… For never asking how he escaped from Ford's planet, Carson had to tell him that one.

Because now he has the feeling it's too late.

Because he promised himself he'd do it tomorrow but by the time 'tomorrow' got here it was today, tomorrow was still a day away.

And now all he can think about is tomorrows. Here there's no end in sight.

**Undeserved**

"Come on," Rodney whined. "I told you mine."

John shook his head. "No way."

"Come on, it can't be that bad."

"It is."

"It must be bad for you to delete it from your record, which is illegal by the way, but I won't laugh."

"That's not what I'm afraid of."

"John!"

"Rodney!"

"You know I'm going to find out eventually."

John closed his eyes and muttered something under his breath.

Rodney's brow creased. "I'm sorry, what did you just say?"

John glared and repeated it, even quieter than before.

"John!"

"John Tiberius Sheppard." John ground out eventually.

Rodney blinked.

**Verbose**

For such a loud man it's really quite surprising that Rodney doesn't talk during sex.

He doesn't like to. Doesn't like the pressure of saying the right thing and somewhere down the line that translated into him saying nothing.

But it's clear that people have tried to make him talk before.

So John tells him not to, tells him not to say _anything_.

And the relief in Rodney's expression lets him know everything he needs to.

John thinks that the others were all idiots anyway. Rodney doesn't _need_ to say anything, all you have to do is look at him.

**Wish**

The first time John looks at Rodney he's being ordered to think of the solar system and he decides that Rodney's very orange.

But there's something fascinating about him. He's innocence and experience personified and, as Rodney keeps talking, John can feel himself falling hard and fast.

He always had a weakness for the smart ones.

But then he remembers his own life and he knows he can't taint one of the purest spirits he's ever met with… well, him.

So when O'Neill asks him to go to Atlantis he says no and wishes he'd met Rodney in the past.

**Xeric**

They're trapped here and baking. Without food and without water. They haven't spoken in hours that feel like days and there's no cause to anymore.

And Rodney thinks it strange how people use the sun as a metaphor for hope, 'the sun'll come out tomorrow' and everything like that.

A fiery, burning ball of destruction that only causes the shadows that bring darkness in light.

On this planet there are no shadows. It might as well be midday constantly.

Because at midday it's too hot.

The sun burns and it feels like hell.

But, most importantly, at midday everything dies.

**Yearning**

Rodney doesn't act on impulse often and there's a reason for it.

Because if he did then he might not have been able to stop himself when he saw John Sheppard lying on his back in the control chair, legs spread.

At that moment John was undoubtedly the sexiest thing Rodney had ever seen and he had wanted nothing more than to sit on the chair with him, insert a knee between Sheppard's spread thighs and kiss him deeply.

Rodney doesn't act on impulse often and there's a reason for it… but if he did that's what it'd be like.

**Zap**

If you want to survive in the Pegasus galaxy you need good instincts. You've got to be able to react without thinking and damn the consequences.

Though that's not a very popular tactic when you're in a meeting with the President.

Especially when what you're reacting to is nothing more than the toaster.

Rodney has his gun out before he's actually registered that there was a noise and the toaster explodes.

And as Rodney splutters John's glad he's attracting the attention because as long as they're focussing on Rodney then they're not noticing that it was his gun that fired.


End file.
